“… Perhaps you dislike something which is good for you and like something which is bad for you. Allah knows and you do not know.” (Quran 2:216)
“… Perhaps you dislike something which is good for you and like something which is bad for you. Allah knows and you do not know.” (Quran 2:216)
Marriage is arguably the single most important decision you will ever make in your life. Why? Because it will affect ALL areas of your life in the future.
“… they have taken a firm covenant from you.” (An-Nisa 4:21)
Allah says marriage is a ‘firm covenant’ where the husband and wife have pledged oath to take care of each other in fidelity and go through all of life’s ups and down together from this point forward.
Thus, the trajectory of your next chapter in life can entirely change just with this single decision.
For example, if you marry someone who lives in another country, you might have to migrate. If your husband has an opposite personality to yours, you might have to adjust your lifestyle to live harmoniously etc.
You might even discover a whole new side of yourself as you grow in your marriage. It can quickly go really well or really bad from the get go.
So, it is perfectly understandable that we would have more fear and anxiety in making this BIG commitment in life.
One of the biggest fears we might have on marriage is that we would never find a decent enough husband to be married to in this day and age.
With all the chaos that’s been going on with the world – the pandemic, lack of quality practicing Muslim men and increasing number of divorces each day – it can render us feeling super disheartened wondering if we will ever be happily married.
So this is what I’m going to try to address today – the fear of thinking you will never find the right man to marry.
1. Allah can make it happen tomorrow – no problem
First, what you really need to be focusing on is the power of Allah. If Allah can create you from nothing, He can find you a suitable spouse in no time.
Kun faya kun. “His command is only when He intends a thing that He says to it, “Be,” and it is.” (Ya Sin 36:82)
It can happen tomorrow. No problem.
But the question is, are you ready? Are you truly ready to be a wife? Or are you just anticipating the idea of being loved and taken care of by a gentleman?
Are you fully aware of all the roles you have to play out once you become a wife? This leads me to my next point.
2. Understand that Allah knows you better than anyone
“… Perhaps you dislike something which is good for you and like something which is bad for you. Allah knows and you do not know.” (Al-Baqarah 2:216)
If you are not married yet, then Allah knows that in this moment in time, it is best for you to stay single. Or else He would’ve brought you your husband right in front of your eyes.
Perhaps He wants you to come closer to Him before you get married. To focus on your tadabbur, Quran reading, tahajjud and salah to get closer to Him and build your relationship with Him first.
3. Get ready
Perhaps you are genuinely not ready to be a wife but you just don’t know it yet. So try to increase your knowledge.
Find out what is required to make a successful Islamic marriage. Learn as much as you can about the stories of Prophet Muhammad saw’s marriage from seerah.
There are so many gems to explore.
4. Relax
“… They planned, but Allah also planned. And Allah is the best of planners.” (Al-Anfal 8:30)
Perhaps Allah is planning a much more important event to happen in your life before you get married. Who knows?
So just relax.
5. Get Comfortable With The Idea Of Being Single For Awhile
“Do not falter or grieve, for you will have the upper hand, if you are true believers.” (Ali Imran 3:139)
It’s simple, really. If you can be at ease being a single woman, it means that you are genuinely at peace with yourself and in a state where you are genuinely happy with your life.
The most important thing you can focus on right now is your relationship with Allah. Read more Quran, attend tadabbur classes. Who knows, when you sincerely seek Allah, He might allow you to cross paths with your future husband along the way.
It can happen, right?
At the same time, try to foster the relationships you have in your life, your family, friends, relatives etc.
6. Play With The Idea Of A Happy Marriage
Once you’ve dived into the seerah and have somewhat of an idea or inspirations from the stories of Prophet Muhammad saw’s marriage, play with the idea of your own happy marriage.
I personally love the marriage of Khadijah RA and Rasulullah SAW the most. They seem like the perfect couple. I can’t imagine a couple more perfect than them.
What does a happy marriage look like to you?
What does your husband do for you everyday? What do you guys talk about? How do you show your love to him?
When you look to the people in your life, your friends and family members, what do you love about their marriage? Who do you admire the most? Try to think about what they’re doing in their marriage.
7. Put It In Your Duas
As you collect more information that allows you to have a clearer vision of your happy marriage, you can start putting them in your duas.
Make a whole list or an entire essay, no problem.
Allah has the power to make any miracle happen.
8. Ask For Help
If you live under a rock and no one knows you exist, and that you’re looking for a spouse, you haven’t done your part in searching for a spouse.
If you have a wali (father, brothers or male relatives), you can ask for their help to search for a suitable husband.
If you don’t have a wali or for some reason they’re unavailable, reach out to your local mosque or Islamic center. There are people there who can help you with these matchmaking processes insyaAllah.
These days, you can even go online and search for a spouse from around the world. But be sure that you are going into a trusted site. I recommend halfourdeen.com.
It has a high success rate and the entire matchmaking system is compliant with the syariah so you wouldn’t be going into sin while trying to search for the halal.
Conclusion
“Man is hasty by nature. I shall certainly show you My Signs. Do not ask Me to be hasty.” (Al-Anbiya 21:37)
I know you feel like you’re running out of time and at times the search can leave you feeling helpless. Don’t lose hope.
Allah is always looking after you. He knows what is best for you in this moment in time. Trust His timing and just relax.
Find more exciting things to do and continue pursuing your other goals. InsyaAllah the right man will come to you at the right time.
