5 Ways to Tackle Possessiveness in Relationships

Possessiveness in relationships can mean demanding someone give you their total attention and love. 

As a person who identifies as being the ‘most possessive’ in a relationship, I came up with some points that helped me overcome it and how to eventually embrace possessiveness when it becomes hard to get rid of it.

1. Self awareness

Know what you do. Relationships require work, and for that, understanding YOUR emotional and physical wants are important. Because a possessive partner fails to acknowledge their feelings first, figuring out where you stand in a relationship, what are your strengths and weaknesses, what is your role, and finally what you want in the relationship are actually the basics for developing self awareness. Once you develop self acknowledgement and self interest in you, you can subconsciously deal with possessiveness.

2. Occupying the mind

Busy people don’t have time for emotional outbreaks. Find out what interests you (other than your partner), and make it a hobby or something to distract you from flourishing jealousy or possessiveness. Painting, cooking, reading or listening to a podcast too can help preoccupy one’s mind. For me I think there’s beauty in ‘being in the present’ and being alone, to ponder and reflect on my thoughts.

3. Talk about it

Have a general conversation about it with your partner, including the feelings, the struggles, and the jealousy that you identify as possessiveness. If your partner is empathetic enough to identify that with you, then rest assured, you both can tackle it for yourselves. For some partners who relate your possessive feelings to you being insecure or timid, you need to start re-evaluating your feelings and stop being too clingy. However, talking about it is generally a good start rather than constantly creating assumptions and feeling jealous.

4. Trust

It sounds cliché but it helps, trust me (excuse the pun). What is the point of relationships when there is no embodiment of faith? Blindly trusting your partner is a beautiful ‘risk’ of commitment. Trusting him/her at all times, especially when you’re madly in love with them (again a cliché) takes courage and passion. Trust is believing that your partner will do no harm to you at any cost. 

People say that when you’re truly in love, you can easily develop a sense of trust in your partner – it’s true, but I think it can’t be done with a little bit of fear— a fear of ‘what ifs’ and ‘buts’. Trust is a compelling tool to approach possessiveness; but what is trust without vulnerability!

5. Appreciate your vulnerability

Vulnerability can mean being exposed to being attacked or harmed. As Theodore Roethke said, “Love is not love until love’s vulnerable”. 

Vulnerability, trust, and possessiveness go hand in hand. Only when you trust someone can you be truly vulnerable to them – after all, people only show their vulnerable side to the people they love. You know you are going to get hurt when you’re vulnerable, you know you are going to start using possessiveness as a self defence mechanism, but rather than being stone-hearted and not feeling any of these emotions, embracing this exposed side of yours is something to be proud of. 

Therefore, while you’re in the process of getting rid of your possessive feelings, and when you can’t actually seem to get rid of it, then it’s time to start thinking about how vulnerable you are and be proud of it!