There is an increasing number of Muslim brothers and sisters registering on online matrimonial sites. With a myriad of Muslim matrimonial sites at our disposal, it is not a surprise to see Muslims making digital attempts to complete their deen. There could be a multitude of reasons behind this; perhaps someone is not happy with the choice of potential spouses their parents/community are introducing them to? On the other hand someone may be a shy individual and speaking to people online before meeting in person breaks the ice. Let’s examine why going online is a good idea and, using a nine-step approach, understand how to go about this without sacrificing your Islamic principles.
Why go online?
A few reasons why going online is a good idea:
- Wider reach to potential prospects: Meet people from the other side of the world and who knows you may click (excuse the pun)!
- Customised search: You can search based on the criteria you are looking for in your potential other half, hence filtering out those individuals who are not compatible.
- You are in control: You choose who to talk to and who not to, who views your profile, pictures etc.
- Breaking the ice: As aforementioned, a good method to break the shy barrier.
- Less pressure: Speaking online means you can take it at your own pace.
Thinking about joining? Before you do, get tooled up and have a read of how to best approach the online world, in our step by step guide.
1. Be serious
An integral part of the Islamic faith is intention. Islam does not condone pre-marital relationships; therefore before joining any site, your intention must be for marriage and marriage only.
2. Understand what you want from a potential spouse
Take time to identify what you want from a potential spouse. What are the characteristics and personality traits I want in my partner? For example:
- Level of religiousness (Our Prophet [SAW] has said that faith should hold importance over all other factors)
- Age range
- Religious sect
- Cultural background
- Essential personality/character traits
- Desirable personality/character traits
- Geographical location
3. Get to know yourself!
You may think you know yourself, however when tasked with writing your profile, you’ll be surprised as to how difficult it can be. An hour or two of deep reflection followed by physically listing your characteristics and qualities is time invested wisely. Not only does it provide a basis and structure when writing your profile but also increases the chances of getting into contact with someone who shares similar hobbies and values.
4. Tell your parents
Meeting people online opens up many opportunities as well as a number of threats from catfish, imposters and fraudsters. If not a parent, consult a responsible adult or a friend of your decision to join. An advantage is that this individual can help you construct your profile and evaluate all those prospects that will be eager to get to know you better!
5. Constructing your profile
Ensure your profile is free from spelling and grammatical errors and, if lengthy, separated by appropriate paragraphs i.e. headings such as: about me, hobbies, education, what I want from a potential spouse etc. Make the most of this opportunity to let your personality shine!
6. Uploading a picture
There is nothing wrong with uploading a picture, many choose not to, especially our Muslim sisters. However, if you do upload a picture ensure you are modestly dressed and that your face is clearly visible. Additionally, identify yourself if uploading a group photo.
7. Making contact
It is extremely important to be polite and kind when making contact, in line with Islamic principles. Read an individual’s profile in detail before making contact and only if you feel there is potential for compatibility. Brothers, do not copy and paste the same message to countless sisters, search based on the criteria you are looking for and construct personalised messages, it will be appreciated! Do not begin with any direct questions like “do you fast?”, “do you do your 5 a day?” (Prayers that is, not fruit). Begin with small talk and establish a conversational tone as opposed to an interview approach. If you get along, the more important topics and questions will come about in natural conversation. You’re finding a life partner, not applying for a job, so be patient and take your time. If things do not work out, part ways in a civil manner and it is better not to exchange phone numbers until both parties believe it could lead to something serious.
8. Face to face meeting
You’ve established a good line of conversation and both parties want to meet in person. In some cultures, meeting at the house of the girl may be seen as a formal proposal, whereas you may be meeting to further establish any compatibility. In this case it is good to meet away from home, coffee shops are usually are a good shout. A good thing about meeting face to face preceded by online dialogue is that there are conversation lines and topics that can be expanded on further, preventing those awkward silences. Meet in broad daylight in a public environment and bring a trusted friend with you, if you want that peace of mind.
9. Parental involvement
If things do not work out, return to step 7. However, if you feel you have found the one, inform the parents and let the wedding preparations begin!
Insha’Allah, this quick guide has provided an overview and clearer understanding of how to go about finding a spouse online, at the same time remaining within the boundaries of Islamic principle. Here are some good sites to use: