For years, I have shut out everyone who cared about me – why? I guess I was just too afraid to let anyone be close to me. I now realize that life is not a journey to be undertaken alone.
Salaam to all my brothers and sisters. I sit here writing to you as I reflect on all my life’s choices. People often say that they regret a lot of things in their lives but I honestly don’t regret anything. I believe that all my bad decisions were indeed a lesson and were intended for me to go down a different path in my life.
I honestly hated my life for a very long time. I was consumed with a lot of guilt towards myself and anger towards people as I felt as though my life should have been different.
As a recent revert, however, I learnt that Allah (SWT) has a plan for everyone and I began to trust in him fully. For Ramadhan, I made dua for what I wanted but I also accepted the fact that it may or may not happen for me, such is life!
So, back to our life’s choices, how do you make decisions pertaining to your life? Is it based on finances or people? I remember before the internet, we would ask our elders for advice but yet we would not listen. Now with the click of a button, the computer can actually make a decision for us, what a different era we live in.
I personally have learnt to use religion to guide me and my decision-making. I am grateful to Allah (SWT) for choosing me as a revert, as I am now on a different path in my journey. Being a cancer survivor, I often ask myself why me? Why did I survive? Whilst I am eternally grateful for life, you still suffer from survivor’s guilt at times. I am grateful to The Muslim Vibe for giving me a voice in my journey. As I continue to write and speak about my new religion and cancer journey, it has impacted all my life’s choices. I now view people and things in a different light.
It was as though a veil has been lifted from my eyes. I have read other stories from reverts as they describe taking their Shahada as the greatest experience ever and I totally agree. It is a life-changing moment in your life as you look back at the past and now look forward to a new future. I remember asking people what they thought about me taking Shahada – I got mixed views at the beginning but the ultimate decision was left up to me. Again, it all boils down to the choices you make in this life. Some may be good; some may be bad but we are not perfect.
I would sometimes imagine living in a perfect world but that is not reality. I now look back at my life’s choices and realize that they have indeed molded me into the person that I am today. Realizing that your life suddenly means something certainly put things into perspective for me. I didn’t hate my life anymore, I just needed to make better decisions about my life in order to regain control over it.
Guess what, it’s your life and you are the one ultimately responsible for it. Quite often we blame everyone else around us when things go bad in our lives but we just refuse to accept responsibility.
Life is already difficult but we don’t have to go through it alone. For years, I have shut out everyone who cared about me – why? I guess I was just too afraid to let anyone be close to me. I now realize that life is not a journey to be undertaken alone. There are lots of positive people that help us in this life. Allah (SWT) always finds a way for us to get acquainted. We just need to believe.
So, to all my brothers and sisters out there, let’s all make good choices in this life, as you may never know what impact it has on someone else’s life, Ameen!