Marriage

Heartbroken: Rejected By My Ideal Man

It had finally happened! Just as I was about to give up on the long, painful and arduous search for ‘The One’, there he was, at last! Phew! I’d thought I’d be single forever… but that relief turned into complete and utter heartbreak.

The person I thought I’d spend the rest of my life with wasn’t interested.

The hunt has started all over again. But why, I asked myself? I’ve met my ideal man and yet I am now expected to forget about him and find someone else… how is this possible? He was ideal in every way, and we matched on things that I didn’t even think of. It just couldn’t get any better, I had thought that men like that only existed in my imagination. Now he’s right in front of me… and he rejected me, he’s just not interested.  How do I cope with the pain and move past this? How can I give up when giving up is not an option?

Reality Bites

Eventually, a realisation hits: you’ve been holding out for this man for months, avoiding meeting other singles because you wonder what the point is, especially after having met your ideal man who you’re ready to marry. Never did you think he’d reject you.

It also dawns on you how many months, if not years, were wasted waiting for the right time to let your interest in him be known, which is time you will not get back. You’re left wondering how you can meet another guy who will be just as ideal. Now you want to move on with your life, meet new singles, go on dating apps, attend marriage events and even consider proposals from friends and family.

But reading other people’s bio-data or dating profiles fills you with dread. These weirdos can’t be bothered to fill in their information properly. When they do, they’re busy telling you what type of woman they want, whilst including a hefty dollop of condescension in there as well, and you’re now expected to take them seriously and actually attempt to appeal to those people… help!

Your heart aches at the loss and your head is filled with self-doubt and uncertainty about the future. You’re wondering, “what do I do now? How do I get over this rejection?”

He didn’t reject you!

If you’re thinking his rejection means you’re not good enough or you’re not lovable, that’s not true! He has probably rejected a number of women just like you, simply because he didn’t think you’re compatible for him. So he didn’t reject you, he rejected all the hundreds of women just like you. What I’m trying to say is don’t take it personally. The rejection is about where he is in his life – it’s not you, it’s him… no, really it is!

The voice in your head will tell you repeatedly that you shouldn’t have fallen for this man and how it was such a big mistake, but the reality is, you simply don’t know the absolute truth of what is really going on within him.

If we look around us, there are amazing people out there, just like you, constantly being rejected either by men, family, friends or opportunities they want to be part of. It doesn’t change the fact that they are great human beings or that they do amazing work.

Fall in love with you

It’s easy to take rejection personally; it’s easy to question who you are, your worth and whether your soulmate even exists.

Thoughts may enter your head like, “what if he’s married someone else? Does that mean I’m going to be single forever?! I know we’re created in pairs, what if something’s happened to my pair?”

Our thoughts do not always tell the true story, and we often use our negative thoughts to justify our actions for not taking other potential spouses seriously. It keeps us single and as these thoughts get louder and louder, we take fewer and fewer steps towards meeting our soulmate, to the point where our inability to take actions becomes crippling.

It is time to focus on you, to take time out for self-care and go out and enjoy life. Ask yourself the following questions:

What qualities do you have? What would your family and friends say about you? What about people at work? What hobbies do you take part in?

Start to tackle the things in your life you want to change, take on a project that you’re passionate about, reawaken your purpose. It will help to reconnect with what makes you great, making you feel confident, happy and more attractive. You’ll begin to realise your worth and what you can bring to a marriage.  Before you know it, you’ll have Mr. Right knocking on your door.

How have you dealt with rejection? Do you have any tips for singles out there? Please share your thoughts and experiences so we can all learn from each other.

Since coming out of her abusive marriage Nasema has been trained by coaching giants in the Muslim and non-Muslim world. As the 'Halal Dating Coach' Nasema empowers singles to meet and marry their soulmate so they can have healthy loving long-lasting relationships. Nasema is also the co-author of the number one best-seller The Muslim Entrepreneur Mind. You can download her FREE ebook Unstoppable Confidence: 13 POWERFUL steps to Happiness and Life on Your Terms at nasemabegum.com. Listen to her podcast ‘The Halal Dating Show’ on ITunes.  You can follow Nasema on Instagram: @Nasemab.

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