“I want to get married but I can’t seem to find a suitable partner”. This is a sentence that I have heard countless number of times and it’s absolutely true. Finding a good practicing Muslim who also has similar enough interests to you seems like a near impossible task these days. However, for a subset of Muslims it’s EVEN harder.
Almost every young person would love to start a family of their own. However, for a disabled Muslim it would require a miracle for them to be accepted as a suitable partner in the Muslim community. This can be quite discouraging for some our disabled Muslim brothers and sisters as they end up feeling deficient and not good enough. I have heard numerous stories of young (and old!) disabled individuals who are trying to get married but just cannot complete this part of their faith.
1. Would you truly agree to marry a person with a disability?
Muslims have always been told not to discriminate against anyone regardless of their race, religion, disability etc. However it sometimes seems that we don’t always take this on board. The Arabs of Arabia discriminated against a number of people including Hazrat Bilal because of his race, Salman due to his nationally as well as those who were poor. Yet today we still see people being discriminated against because they are “different” such as those with a disability. However, I think it’s time for change!
2. Don’t discriminate against diversity
We have been blessed to live in a society with so much diversity that we have learnt how to think for ourselves rather than just follow the commands of our family (although it is still very important to respect your family). Within the non-Muslim community there are a vast number of disabled individuals that are married including individuals with severe deformities. Their spouses have looked beyond the barrier of disability to see a person for their qualities and it always amazes me how so many non-Muslims haven’t learnt about Islam yet they hold so many Islamic values. However, I think it’s about time us Muslims also started to appreciate this diversity that Allah created us in and accept each other. I can’t wait to live in a world where people use MUSLIMS as a good example of how to live their lives.
3. The “one” may not look the way you think
If you are contemplating getting married to a person with a disability please don’t have pity on that individual thinking that you are doing them a “favour.” In fact by opening your horizon to disabled individuals is actually benefitting YOU! Not only does it make you a better Muslim by not discriminating but it can also mean that you actually find your soul mate. So many people have imagined their life partner to look like a knight in shining armor or a Hollywood actress that they’ve lost sight of people’s souls. It may just be that when Allah created your pair He created them with a disability and that is the place where you must look to find your soul mate.
4. A disabled person has more to give than you think
Many people think that being disabled is a life sentence where you will be doomed for the rest of your life. In fact it’s far different! Firstly, disability ranges from amputees and wheelchair users to people with deformities or even those whose disability may not be apparent. Both individuals with minor and major disabilities will have qualities that may surprise many people. For example, most of us would love to have a partner that is loyal and values life as well as someone that doesn’t give up on their problems (key to marriage!). Luckily many people with disabilities would have faced some sort of difficulty in their life that has made them more resilient and determined to try their hardest with the people they cherish.
5. Disabled can mean dazzling
So far we have spoken about disabled people from a disability perspective but the reality is they are more than their disability. If you really try to look beyond the disability you are likely to find an AMAZING person! I myself as a person with a disability love to try new things, explore new horizons and spend time with the people that I love. Although I may be disabled it never gets in the way of my personality! But just like every other human being there will be things that I can and cannot do. However, just because a person’s disability may stop them from doing certain things in their life it absolutely shouldn’t stop them getting married!
I pray to Allah that everyone looking to get married finds a partner that is a joy to their souls.
(Submitted anonymously)
