10 of the best #MuslimApologies on Twitter

Whenever violence flares up around the world, the media always tries to link Muslims in the unfortunate situation, any way any how. Islamophobes are like a pesky virus that seep through ignorant minds and infect them with fear, doubt, and paranoia. It’s a real problem because they’re all over social media sites, propagating extreme hate towards Muslims worldwide. One of the best (and funniest) internet movements in 2014 was “#MuslimApologies.”

Many Muslims were tired of defending themselves and their religion, and pointing out how unfair it is to have to constantly prove that extremist groups like ISIS or Al Qaeda don’t represent Islam. So this time they wanted to take a sarcastic spin on the usual disassociating that’s expected of Muslims after every terrorist attack. Thus, the hashtag #MuslimApologies was created.

“Sorry for cameras. No, really sorry. If Ibn al-Haytham knew they’d be used for selfies, he would have never invented them!

Ah yes, at that I would think the apology is sincere. Duck faces and half selfies aside, it is true; Abū ʿAlī al-Ḥasan ibn al-Ḥasan ibn al-Haytham was a philosopher, scientist, polymath, astronomer, mathematician, author from Basra Iraq. He not only created the camera (which so elegantly captures your portrait) but was the Muslim scientist who developed the scientific method! Now that’s a résumé.

“I’m sorry that beards are in style and that all men look Muslim.

Sunnah for days! To grow a beard is sunnah for Muslim men and they have taken up this tradition with gusto. The Prophets and Holy saints of Allah (swt) have always had beards and because they’re our role models they follow their example.

“Sorry for all the awkward pauses every teacher has every time they try to pronounce my name while taking attendance.

If there ever was a Muslim apology most relatable, it would be this one. The way the schoolteacher mumbles and slurs the nine-letter surname makes me pity them for not being able to pronounce the seemingly randomly placed letters. Of course, not all Muslims come from the East, so they don’t necessarily bear names like Dhakwan, Ghiyath, or Hudhaifah (!).

“I’m sorry we gave women their right to education so early.

Her name was Fatima Muhammad Al-Fihri. She was a daughter of a wealthy businessman and had founded a mosque and madrasa in Fes, Morocco in the year 859. The madrasa (university) came to be one of the most notable institutions of its kind. In fact, it’s still in operation today (since 1963) as the University of Qarawiyyin, also known as the World’s Oldest University. #WomenEmpowerment

“I’m Sorry for donating a fifth of my annual savings to charity each year.

Zakat is one of the five pillars in Islam, every Muslim knows that! Considered to be a personal responsibility for every Muslim, it eases economic hardship and eliminates inequality among the rich and poor. Its importance is repeatedly stressed in the Quran. Equality, responsibility, charity, mercy – how is this the religion of violence?

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“Sorry I look like batman when I get on the train. And sorry that that I misguided your little son to think batman takes public transportation.

Ladies, you know how the abaya styles are these days. Yards and yards of extra fabric billowing from beneath your arms like the waves of the Red Sea when Moses struck his staff to part it! It’s almost like the abaya fashion designers created a look perfect for a Marvel superhero to swoop in and save the day. Nevertheless we rock them! I guess we are all superheroes in our own way.

“Sorry for the foot in the sink.

If you’re doing wudhu in a public bathroom and a non Muslim walks in, the awkwardness at that moment would have no end. A sensible Muslim would stop and explain that they were performing ablution to prepare for prayer, but in most cases the Muslim would just grab their shoes and flee from the scene in embarrassment.

“Really, really sorry about all the cars that clog up your streets for 45 minutes during Friday prayers.
#MuslimApologies “

Is this apology for Muslims or non-Muslims? Because I believe that WE are the ones who have to suffer the traffic jam and the search for a parking spot, then trying to find room to leave afterwards. I don’t think there’s any way to maneuver around the heavy traffic in the next roads either, so apologies to the entire city.

“I am sorry that I tend to say “MashAllah, InshAllah, and Alhamdulilah” in the middle of my sentences. #MuslimApologies”

It’s a habit that’s hard to change. For those who come from Muslim families, their parents have drilled into their heads since childhood how to always say these three phrases throughout their speech. For converts, they quickly learn to incorporate them into their sentences as a second nature, and so we end up breaking out in Arabic in front of non Muslims too. Speaking to a professor might sound something like this: “Yes insha’Allah I’m ready for my exams. Alhamdallah I finished my studies yesterday, and completed my essay in one night, I’m so masha’Allah smart!”

“I’m sorry that I’m in a private conversation with Allah at least 5 times a day.

What sets us apart from other religions is that we take time off our day to physically worship our Lord; speak to Him, exalt Him, remember Him, supplicate to Him. It is He to whom the heavens and the earth belong, and it is to Him our final return will be. Inna lillah wa inna ilayhi raji’oon.

Feel free to add your own #MuslimApologies in the comment section below!