5 Things To Remember As A New Mother

Being a new mother is oftentimes like learning to walk again – you’re told that a lot of it is “instinct” (yes but also no!), and you are left with a feeling of overwhelming emotion, fear, love, determination, and loss.

You are completely in love and on a high, and yet can also feel invisible and lost. You are on top of things and feel pride in being a mother, and yet cannot find time to do one simple little task during most days. You are happy and sad, proud and insecure, busy and peaceful – and yet none of this really matters because you have a small little baby who is your everything now.

While the experience of new mothers varies just as much as any other human experience, there are a few things that many women experience for the first time with a newborn – and in the hopes of reaching out and giving other new mothers (a slight) peace of mind, here are just a few things to remember and keep in mind during our most trying of days:

1. Just focus on your baby in the early days – trust us, everything else really can wait

It may feel frustrating that suddenly you cannot do the normal daily tasks or chores that you used to do – caring for a newborn is literally a 24-hour job. And many of us also feel annoyed when we read other posts or hear other moms say things like “just sleep when the baby sleeps” or “don’t worry the dishes can wait” – I remember personally feeling annoyed and thinking no, the dishes literally cannot wait. Or no, I don’t have time to sleep when the baby sleeps.

But at the end of the day, when your baby is here and needing your cuddles, it’s important to remember that yes, most other things really can wait. No one will judge you or care if the sink is piled high with dishes or if you haven’t cooked a homemade meal in a week – and your little one most definitely won’t care at all. What really matters is the snuggles and hugs that you and your baby desperately need after giving birth.

2. It’s A Learning Process – You Won’t Get Everything Right The First Time

A lot of the time, mothers are told that everything is “instinct” – that you’ll just “know” when something is wrong, that you’ll just “know” exactly what that cry means, and you’ll just “know” exactly what to do off the bat.

It’s important to remember that no, you won’t know everything from the start. And that it’s ok if you don’t know. It’s ok if you need to look up the most basics of things, and it’s ok to reach out for help with questions – no matter how trivial or small they may seem to you. You’ll end up making mistakes and learning from them, and it’s important to remember that no one has ever been a perfect parent or mother. Embrace the learning process, and try to take it with ease – it’ll always get better.

3. No Matter How Much You Want To, You Can’t Do Everything By Yourself

Every situation of every mother is different – some of us are married with wonderful spouses, some married to not-so-wonderful spouses. Some of us are single mothers, widowed mothers, grieving mothers, lonely mothers, or mothers living with extended families. No matter the situation, it’s important to remember not to put too much pressure to do everything on your own.

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Sooner or later, you will need help. You will need to reach out – to a spouse, to family, to friends, a support group, a community member, you name it – and make sure that you are mentally ready to reach out for help. It can make many mothers feel like a failure, or the feeling of guilt may creep up – but remember, it is normal and also necessary to know that raising a child is a task for a village, not a single person, and it’s a good idea to prepare yourself to get help in whatever capacity works best for you.

4. You Baby Won’t Care About Anything Fancy – Just Focus On Feeds, Sleep, and Love

It can be extremely daunting to have the title of a new mother. You’re suddenly taking on a new identity, a new job role almost, and many women feel nervous about stepping up to the plate and feel the need to do extra or look extra to feel the part.

Remember though, your newborn doesn’t need any of that and more importantly, doesn’t care about your new title. You’re a mother to them no matter what, and try to remember that the only things you should really focus on every day are just feeding, loving, and sleeping with your baby. Try to keep things simple in the beginning when you’re still learning and adjusting to everything, and later on when you’re more experienced and ready you can get busy with other tasks or activities.

5. Finally, Remember That You Are Still You

It may seem silly or even slightly annoying to hear this, but it’s important to really remember that at the end of the day, despite the new titles and roles you have as a new mother, you are still you.

Yes, something dramatically and majestically has changed in that you’ve given birth to a child and are taking care of a human life – there’s no denying that does change you in a way – but you are still you. You are dealing with this change, you are learning how to navigate a new world, you are taking on new skill sets you didn’t even know you had. This is a whole new part of life that has been blessed onto you, and you specifically.

So next time you feel stressed, panicked, or nervous about your newborn and are frantically thinking about what a mother would do, perhaps it may help to think instead about what you would do to handle the situation. More often than not, you are your best help – and don’t forget that sometimes you might already have the answer to something you didn’t even know you had.

To all the new mothers out there – we hope you feel blessed, peaceful, and excited about life ahead. And remember, no matter how much love you have for your newborn, incredibly, it will only continue to grow even bigger.