“I’m Pregnant!” Is This The End Of My Life and Career?

I’m writing this for mothers-to-be, and new mothers like me, who doubt they can have it all. I’m writing this to young and ambitious women who are scared about the future.

Trust the process.

At 25 years old, I was progressing steadily in my career. I’m a broadcast journalist, I wear a hijab, and I’m a first-generation Australian from Afghan refugee parents. There are few people like me on Australian news. I have moved cities and towns twice and won a few awards along the way. I’m chasing the big dream – to work as a foreign correspondent for a national program.

Last year my life changed dramatically.

I decided to move back to my home city because my grandmother was ill. I reassured myself I had 30 to 40 years of a career ahead of me, “I can come back to that at any time,” I told myself. But I can’t get time back with my grandmother. My grandmother made slow improvements in her health, and I was considering making a move to a bigger city to get a bigger and better gig.

I felt those plans come to burn to the ground when I found out – I was pregnant.

I was straight-up petrified. I had always imagined having a baby in my thirties, I would have achieved my goals, and it would be a happy and blissful time.

In this case, instead of getting my husband to open a pregnancy test and saying “surprise!”, I was sitting in my make-shift home office, balling my eyes out.

“You’re pregnant? my husband stated what we already feared. I couldn’t even answer or look at him. “It’s going to be ok,” he said.

I didn’t and couldn’t believe him. I was on a temporary contract to work in my home town, I was meant to find more permanent work, but now I didn’t even know if I was eligible for maternity leave. We were building a house, we needed a steady income. And what about my hopes and dreams? What does this mean for my career? Had I just blown everything?

It took me many weeks to come to terms with what had just happened.

While this baby was growing inside me, I was tormented with feelings of anxiety about the future, regret about moving and most of all – guilt for not feeling differently about this pregnancy. I kept imagining someone telling my child they were a mistake or accident in the future. Through all the stress, I found comfort and reassurance in my own mother who said, “Allah is the Provider”, it will be ok.

Reflecting on my journey, my daughter is now six months old, I am incredibly humbled at how everything has come together. Before the baby, I was so engrossed in my career and work I felt disconnected spiritually. Having a baby is such a miraculous event. There are no words to describe it but say SubhanAllah.

This was actually the turning point I needed. There were so many changes I went through as the mother, things happening without me needing to think, learn or process – like birth, my body just took over and knew what to do. It’s the same for babies, they are programmed to know and do basic things to survive – like how to suckle, how to find the breast and recognize the smell of their mother’s milk.

You see a whole different side, a primal side, to being a human being and are truly astounded by the wisdom and power of Allah (SWT).In a strange but amazing way, the turn of events and timing actually worked out for the better.

If I hadn’t moved back home, I would be in a different city with a newborn and no support. Through being a mother, I have learnt so much about myself, patience, gratitude and slowing down to enjoy the moment.

All these lessons I really needed after years of being focused on what I could achieve next for my career. I’m coming to the end of my maternity leave and have got a few job offers.

While it’s a simple story, it’s one that’s taught me a lot. It’s taught me to trust Allah’s plans.

When I was just eight weeks pregnant, I was constantly Googling stories to see whether mothers felt they could have a career and be a good mum. I wanted reassurance that my life wouldn’t change, or at least wouldn’t change for the worst.

If you’re on a journey similar to mine and looking for some comfort about the future. I hope you land on this personal story because it’s going to be ok, and you’ll see that in time.