Giving Yourself the Love You Deserve

Self love can be seen to be one essential ingredient to living a fulfilled life.

It provides the recognition that in having God you have all you need and therefore, you are not attached to the outcome of any of the relationships in your life. Rather, you know if you focus on nurturing the relationship you have with yourself then life will be that much sweeter.

In turn, other relationships will be viewed as add-ons to the whole package that is you; you are complete by yourself.

Let’s be real though: loneliness happens and is an inevitable part of life. However, you can still honour feelings of loneliness, enjoy being alone and love yourself! Instead of waiting for someone to come and save you, create space for the love you are waiting for from someone else – instead give it to yourself. As a result, your own life will become a love story with yourself and your inner child will thank you for it; and be so proud of you – I promise.

Also, if you are single when the right person comes along you won’t be attached to the outcome because you know you have your own back; similarly, if you are already in a relationship you will have the confidence of knowing you have you first and foremost and for all time – now that’s attractive! Curious how to be that person? Let’s jump in!

1. Your love language

Learn what you love language is and then give that to yourself. A simple Google search will bring up quizzes you can do to find out what yours is if you don’t know.

What this looks like in practice then is: for example, if quality time is your love language, take yourself on solo dates – dress up in a cute outfit for yourself and go to your favourite places; go to a cheeky afternoon movie and get all the snacks(!); go eat at that restaurant that you have been waiting in forever for someone to go to with you.

Spend uninterrupted time with yourself doing things you love without guilt and make sure you pencil it in the calendar so you don’t end up doing something else instead.

Another example would be, words of affirmation as your love language: write those things in your journal that you are waiting around for someone to say to you – say them to yourself – you are loved; write letters to your future self and schedule time to open them – this can become a beautiful tradition. Imagine looking back at all of those letters years later – use pen and paper. No cheating.

2. Love what you do, unapologetically

Own what you love – don’t be embarrassed or shy about what you find interest or joy in. You owe it to yourself to live unapologetically – if you can’t be yourself with yourself, who can you be yourself with?

Also, don’t like things because you think you have to – life is short. Remove the idea of what people think and instead check in with what you truly think and more importantly: feel. Do the activities that bring you joy.

3. Self talk

This goes without saying: talk to yourself with love, kindness and respect. Give yourself grace, and notice when you might start to slip into any negative self talk. Filter your inner dialogue so that the words you speak to yourself are filled with love.

Over time, anything else will become unacceptable – from yourself and from others. Once this becomes natural for you, it will also make it easier to spot when somebody is not adhering to your standards.

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4. Do the thing

You know that list you have on your phone, that one where you have a list of things you want to do and places you want to go, but it never happens because you’re too busy waiting around for somebody to go with you? Yeah, that list. Stop waiting and do the thing!

Don’t wait for ‘the one’ to go on that trip or achieve that goal. Don’t wait for your friends’ diaries to free up to go to that cafe or for that walk.

Do it now, do it even if you are scared. Your future self will love you for it. And trust me when I say: once you start doing this, you will look back at all of the times you put off doing the things you wanted to simply because nobody would go with you!

5. Make time

Just like you prioritise others, prioritise time for yourself and for the things you love. In today’s busy world, giving time and giving it meaningfully is the ultimate sign that this matters.

Give yourself the time you deserve and give it unapologetically:

– check in with yourself regularly;
– hang out; check in to see how you’re getting on with your life goals;
– take stock of how you’re feeling;
– breathe;
– and just be – you owe it to yourself.

6. Nurture your relationship with Him

This is the ultimate form of self love because like number 5 above, we often don’t carve out time for nurturing our relationship with Allah (SWT) or make excuses that we have been too busy.

In nurturing your relationship to Him, you are committing to stillness and calmness. Ironically sometimes, we run from this as subconsciously we have anxiety surrounding what thoughts will come up when we finally slow down.

Embrace it and sit with the stillness. Ask Him what you need and want. Tell Him the state of your heart.

In nurturing this time with Allah (The Most Loving) you are giving your soul what it needs: connection with Him; the ultimate form of self love.

This article was originally published on the author’s blog, found here.