November 2015. So many souls lost in this month, so many beautiful souls. Some in attacks of Beirut, Palestine, Kenya and so many other places, some because that is all the life that was written for them. It saddens me that such young, beautiful lives were lost.
“Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi rajeoon”
To your Lord you belong, and to him you shall return.
A talented young man aged 41 passed away on Monday 23rd November 2015 in London in an unexpected way. The grief that embodies the loved ones that are left behind is the most soul shattering experience one can ever come across. The sadness that runs through every bone in my body to think that this young man probably thought he had his whole life ahead of him. The loss of such a young talented soul makes you think about the real reason why we are here in this world.
I’ve always felt a void in my life. I never knew what it was or how to fill it. In my younger days, I was never the popular kid, or the pretty kid, or the most intelligent. I felt like I was “just about” making it through life with no real purpose, no real personality of my own, I simply just imitated my much more intelligent, much wiser sisters. I always thought there was something missing, and I struggled through the years to find out what it was.
I would pray every now and then, mostly at the insistence (forcing) of my mother. As any other good daughter, or Muslim from a practicing family, I did as I was told. However I never saw the goodness in it. It was always something that was the right thing to do, so I did. As I grew older and came into my own personality, I prayed when I felt like or when I had an exam or when I felt sad about being unmarried, not giving it much importance in my life. But when I did, there was an unexplainable feeling, the feeling of being at peace, the feeling I got when my mother hugged me with all her might but exaggerated a hundred times. But the penny didn’t drop!
A few years ago, all I wanted in my life was a Chanel handbag, I worked so hard to ensure that I did all I could in my power to earn enough money to buy this bag. I thought to myself, this is it, this will make me happy. If I get this I won’t ever need another bag ever, it would be an investment I told myself, I would hand it down to my grandchildren I told myself. The materialism of this world consumed me. I did all I could to achieve my goal. And indeed I did achieve it, and it was the best day of my life. I remember leaving work early to go spend half a year’s wages, gone in 15 minutes. I loved my handbag (still do). But there was still a void in my life. I kept buying expensive handbags and shoes thinking that the reason for the void was that in the world of bloggers and ‘Instagrammers’ I was falling behind and needed to keep up.
But then one day it hit me, it was never enough. I was trying to fill a void in my life. The harder I tried to grab onto this temporary world, the faster it slipped away. The realisation dawned on me – it will never be enough. I could buy and buy but there will always be someone that has more. The material things of this life will never be able to fill that void. The only thing that has, can or will ever have the power and authority to fill that void is the One who helped Musa spilt the river, the One that reunited Yakoob with Yusuf, the One that kept Yusuf safe from the cruel intentions of his brothers, the One that has kept the sanctity of Islam intact 1400 years later. The Creator of your heart is the only one that owns it, not the boy that won’t text you back! If you want to fill that void, create that relationship with Him before it’s too late. No man, be it a father or be it a husband would ever be able to fulfil your inner self more than a true relationship with the Creator; Allah (SWT).
I always think to myself, yes I don’t have a relationship with my Lord, but there is always tomorrow, but truth be told… there isn’t! I realised that when I woke up and prayed in the middle of the night, it was my Lord calling me, not the other way around! But why me? Why was Allah calling me? Little me, sinner me, lowest of the lowest me? I am so insignificant! But for Him, no one is insignificant, no one is unforgivable, what a Lord He is! Subhanallah! He is Al-Rahman and Ar-Raheem and Al-Kareem.
Life is so short, do we really know if there will be a tomorrow for us? Rather than taking for granted that there will or might be a tomorrow, we should prepare for a world much more meaningful than this temporary one that we live in.
This piece is dedicated to the young soul smiling down at us from a much happier world with his Lord. May Allah bless his soul and grant him the highest of places in Jannat ul Firdous inshallah.
by Fizzah Sayed